TV is dumbing down a lot these days, so here are some attempts at spicing up the schedules:
Game-Show Idea : Primates are subjected to increasingly bamboozling conundrums as they ascend…’The Monkey Puzzle Tree’.
“Cher & Cher Alike” – Pop singer Cher spends a week with struggling Cher tribute acts, seeing how they live and replicate.
“Ed Sheeran: Crocodile Dundee Cake” – Ed disguises himself as a giant Dundee Cake and sits near some crocodiles for a few days.
“Cristiano Ronaldo, Cristiano Ronaldon’t” – Christiano Ronaldo weighs up the pros and cons of taking risks on the football field.
“Laughing All The Way To The Bank” – 6 comedians are made homeless and have to fund their existence by doing stand-up busking on the streets.
“The Descent Of Man” – Anatomy lessons take on a whole new perspective as, with the aid of CGI, we prepare to abseil down a live human being.
“Martin Clunes: Clues On The Dunes” – Martin Clunes travels the world hunting for evidence to answer the great desert-based mysteries.
“Leading By Example” – Pop star Example hosts a series of motivational seminars to develop the authoritative skills of disadvantaged youths.
“Sierra Leona” – Leona Lewis travels to Freetown to stage a fundraising concert for victims of the civil war.
“Hops, Cops & Bellyflops: The Life Of Rodney King”.
“Chasing The Sun” – The Wanted travel around the world, desperately trying to negate their Vitamin D deficiencies.
“Keeping Clean With Charlie Sheen” – Charlie demonstrates the effectiveness of various leading-brand furniture polishes.
“Cry Me A River” – A heartbreaking look at diminishing water-table levels propelled by global warming. Justin Timberlake presents.
“Well, I Never!” – Panel show where celebrities discuss things they do not partake in. Poss Radio 4 crossover.
“Family Fjord” – Nordic families battle it out on a steep river-valley themed quiz show.
“Pincer Attack: A History Of Crab Warfare”.
“Venetian Blinds” – An expose of the underground gangs employing poor-sighted gondoliers.
“Everybody Needs Some Body” – A light-hearted look at the harrowing world of forensic pathology.
“More By Luck Than Judgement” – The outcome of high-profile criminal trials is decided by a jury comprising of 12 deaf/dumb/blind people.
“Zucker Punch” – Danny Zucker travels the world examining the alcoholic content of party drinks.
“Holy Macaroni!” – Nigella Lawson investigates the inextricable link between religious iconoclasm and pasta.
“Astronauts & Crosses” – Buzz Aldrin and the Westsboro Baptist Church debate the role of religion in Solar System exploration.
“Skye’s The Limit” – Nicholas Crane traverses the Scottish wilderness with nothing more than a flask of bovril and £10 in his pocket.
“The Big Red Pick-Up Truck” – Politicians seek out Britain’s best prostitution solicitation spots from the comfort of their 4x4s.
“Man vs. Feud” – A special edition of Family Feud where the losing team is eaten by Adam Richman.
“Death Of A Salesman” – Alan Sugar and Donald Trump take part in a pistol duel, using guns designed by unprofessional egomaniacs.
“Bulb” – American crime drama. Leeroy Bulb is a blind detective with a secret: all his cases are solved by the ghost of a past victim.
“There Is A Light That Never Goes Out” – Hidden camera show in which Morrissey sabotages birthday parties with inextinguishable candles.
“Wasps!” – Sitcom about a family of wasps living in a sewage outflow pipe.
“Court In The Act” – After being mistaken for a high-court judge, a method actor becomes embroiled in a web of revenge, anxiety, and tennis.
I hope these help any struggling TV execs out there.